I've been considering starting a blog for quite some time now, and I'm just getting around to it. I first starting really thinking about it around the time I got married. I think that's a time in one's life when your mind just reels with contemplation and inspiration (was for me anyway..) I've been married for a lovely 8 months now. I know I'm quite the expert now! Anyway, we'll start from the beginning... Sort of..
I adored being a bride. It was such a fun time, and it was so easy to be the center of the whirlwind that is planning a wedding. It easily became my defining quality very quickly. I was introduced to new people as "Sierra, she's getting married!" I got to talk about dresses, cakes, daisies, and decor for months. It was feminine bliss. Though I don't fully support the type of engagement I had (long); the redeeming quality was the time I had to just be The Bride. Fifthteen months after my dashing beau popped the question, I finally walked down the aisle I had dreamed of since I was a little girl. We said our vows, kissed, mothers cried, and the audience clapped in mutual joy of our union. Then we had some cake (which was the kind of delicious that make you think that obecity might not be such a bad idea afterall), mingled a little and took endless photos. .... Then, all of the sudden I was getting in a vehicle to be swept away never to be The Bride again, but to become The Wife.
Bride was easy; this wife business, I found, is quite different. Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife. My point is that it takes much more effort and practice than to be a bride. In fact, I found it somewhat disorienting and, on some days, depressing to make the transition. I've come up with this theory which I have shared with some of my friends and will share with you all now.
I believe that we all go through seasons in our lives, each one as beautiful as the next. (contrary to what our culture tells us... you won't find a Vera Wang Wife collection, or a Modern Wife magazine I garauntee you that) But, like I said, I have come to believe that each season is as beautiful as the next.. However I found myself grieving my bride self instead of fully 100% embracing my wife self. Not in a depressing or "I can't do this" kind of way, but more of a quiet, "why do I feel this way?" way. I missed the attention and the anticipation that comes with a wedding, and Bridal showers, and parties. If June 5, 2010, my wedding day, was in fact the greatest day of my life like we are told, that would really stink for the rest of my life. Could I have really reached my life's peak at age 22? Though it was a magical day, I refuse to believe that it's all downhill from here :)
Then I realized I had a choice. I could feel guilty for not being perfect for my husband, or I could learn from my emotion and turn that energy into good for my marriage. I'm still completely in love with my Ben and he with me. We are not perfect people and we may not always look like the cover of Happiness magazine, but God has richly blessed us in Spirit and in our life together and we're only 8 months in! I can't wait to fill you in on some of the ways I have reached some of my conclusions, so hold on for next time.
Yes, I know I'm quite a lengthy story teller. It's what I do.